HONOLULU – Gary Woodland was like so many other players when he arrived at the Sony Open. His thoughts immediately went to defending champion Grayson Murray, who openly shared his struggles with anxiety and addiction, and who took his own life four months after winning.
Woodland knows all about anxiety and the value of being open.
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He lived in fear of dying for nearly four months in 2023 until doctors discovered a lesion on his brain, on a tract that caused unfounded fears. They cut a hole the size of a baseball in his head to remove as much of the tumor as they could. He is making progress as he starts a new year.
Woodland was among dozens of players, caddies and tour officials who stood along the shores east of Waikiki to celebrate Murray in a solemn ceremony Tuesday morning. It reminded him of a moment with Murray that taught him the impact players can have without even knowing it.
They played together in the final round of the PGA Championship, just six days before Murray died. Woodland said a man in the gallery was following them and yelling at Murray to get his attention. For the longest time, they ignored him.
“Finally, Grayson looked over and the guy broke down and started crying and thanked Grayson for how open he was about his struggles and everything. The guy was sober now. He was getting into golf because of Grayson. He heard Grayson’s story,” Woodland said.
“I thought maybe Grayson made him mad. He was yelling — ‘Grayson, Grayson’ — time after time. We were laughing about it talking, and then Grayson looked, and it was beautiful.”
Woodland took a message away from that.
“Grayson was helping people,” he said. “And I'll remember that.”
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EDITOR’S NOTE — This story includes a discussion of suicide. If you or someone you know needs help, the national suicide and crisis lifeline in the U.S. is available by calling or texting 988. There is also an online chat at 988lifeline.org.
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Woodland, best known for his U.S. Open victory at Pebble Beach in 2019, is reminded of that as he tries to get back to full strength from September 2023 brain surgery.
He was so grateful when he played the Sony Open last year in his first tournament back. He continues to speak openly about details of his recovery. He is not entirely out of the woods.
Murray's father, Eric, held back tears as he spoke about the PGA Tour as a family in helping them get through the tragedy, and launch the Grayson Murray Foundation to help others coping with mental health and addiction.
“Not everyone has the support systems that a lot of us have out here, and I’m very blessed to have a big team around me,” Woodland said. “There’s people battling and going through a lot of stuff that don’t have that. So I’ve been open because I want people to know, who are going through something that’s hard, that you’re not alone in this, that I’m out here playing. I’m playing, living a dream, but I’m struggling, too.”
He has seen the effect in messages from fans, and the occasions when people approach him to share how much inspiration they get from seeing Woodland play.
“I’ve had grown men come up to me crying that they’ve been battling brain tumors or battling stuff, and seeing me out here playing again gives them hope,” he said. “I’m trying to do that. At the end of the day, I want to have a positive impact in this world. I’d like to have a positive impact on myself playing golf, and I’d like to have a positive impact on my family.”
It hasn't been easy.
There were times he would drive in a city and recognize a place where he had to pull over and call his wife because he thought he was going to die. He stayed in a hotel where he remembered having seizures.
“Everything was new, and it was hard,” he said.
He had hit rock bottom in July at the 3M Open in Minnesota, when all those fears of dying returned. That led to more searching, more specialists, until they realized the scans were good and he needed to find a way to slow his brain.
The golf slowly improved. He has reunited with famed Dallas swing coach Randy Smith. And he figured out some steps that kept his brain from being too stimulated. That led to more quality time at home with his wife and three children.
Woodland does breathing exercises before he gets out of bed and before he goes to sleep, along with yoga and meditation, all geared toward allowing him to slow his brain.
He has seen big improvement — he had his best two finishes late last year — and starts this new season more encouraged than ever. And he continues to share his struggles, which he finds important. He saw the value through Murray at the PGA, and from his own experiences.
“Golf is something that I do. It’s not who I am. It gives me a platform. It gives me an opportunity to chase my dreams and do something that I’ve always wanted to do,” he said.
“But I’ve realized through this process that I’m something a lot more than a golfer. I’m obviously a father, a husband. I have an opportunity to leave this world a better place than I found it, and I’m trying to do everything I can to give back to people that are struggling. Because if you’re ever feeling alone in that moment, it sucks. And it’s hard.”
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